Our day in Beijing

I didn't really want to go back to Beijing. I was ready to just go home. I didn't care to walk on the Great Wall for the 3rd time. But that was the plan. So we spent Saturday hiking the Great Wall, a different section than I had been to the previous 2 times. And it was good. It was fun. We got a break from the heavy and just enjoyed each other's company. Some of us went to the highest tower. So cool!!!! Then we all, sledded down the Great Wall. Ok, I was so nervous and did NOT want to do it. Being the "old lady" I would have had a good excuse not to do it. But peer pressure pushed me to do it. It was awesome! Just a tad scary in a few parts. So glad they talked me in to it.

The sled track

The trail up to the Wall...that was steep too!

My partner!!!! Love this girl!!!!

Some parts were really steep!

They were laughing at me, I was sooooo sweaty!

In front of the sledding "directions"

Then we went to a silk market...a big huge shopping area where you must bargain. Oh dear, not my thing! However, my daughter was quite good at it!!! She gets this from her Dad!!! She got quite a few good deals!

Lastly, we had dinner together and celebrated Julia's 15th birthday! Sam and Julia have both now celebrated a birthday in China. How cool is that??? We figured out that actually all the kids except Jaida had a birthday in China..she was only 9 months when we got her.

******More posts below on our last day at Chenzhou******

Saying Goodbye to Chenzhou

I couldn't write this post until now for 2 reasons. One, we had an 8 hr train ride to Beijing on Friday afternoon and didn't get to our hotel until about 11:30 pm and I was wiped out! Two, I just couldn't relive that emotion. It is hard even now. We had a celebration with the orphanage staff and some of the older kids that morning. It was a wonderful celebration of love, friendship and appreciation. We sang a song for them, the kids performed and the staff sang. We had fruit and cake and gift exchanging. We then had a few minutes to say goodbye to the kids and the babies. My heart hurts just thinking about it. As I approached Angelina and Minnie's crib, Angelina saw me and smiled her big whole entire face smile and I scooped her up. I held that tiny body and kissed her all over. I told her I loved her and Jesus did too. I told her to fight and hope and I prayed one day she would have a family. I wonder if she will look for my face over her crib and wonder where I have gone. She came so alive the 10 days we were there. She loved to be out of her crib. But now she will just lay in her crib all day. Oh my heart. I then held Minnie and kissed her and prayed over her. She is so tiny. I told her to hang on and never give up! I sobbed as I walked away from these two precious gems. I went around the room and kissed each precious baby, aware of their personalities now. I told them each how Jesus loved them. I then had to say goodbye to Charlotte. She was hooked up to an IV so we couldn't hold her. Poor Julia was sitting on the floor next her bouncy seat sobbing. I kissed her little head and face. I prayed, I cried, I told her help was coming and to not give up. She was so miserable and I could barely make it away. Then I had to watch my 14 year old daughter say goodbye to her. The sweet Nanny came over and just held Julia and cried along with her. The nanny and I hugged and cried and I tried to thank her for all she does for the babies. We had to leave and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. We said goodbye to the big kids. I held Ray and sobbed and he looked into my eyes searching....oh baby, how do I leave you here. I kissed Sydney, the 14 yr old and she cried and started pinching her wrists...oh God please be with these kids! We said goodbye to the nannies too. We cried then as well. Some of them and the director took us to the train station and there were more tears by all. We all had our Heart for Chenzhou shirts on and it was quite a picture of unity. We then boarded the high speed train for the 8 hour trip to Beijing. That was a time for reflection for me, it was long but I needed it. How do I go back to my life in America? I want to pretend this doesn't exist because it is just too hard. But it does. So what do I do about it? How can I help???? I will pray and search and I will listen for His voice and direction because I KNOW there is work for me to do with this all. I have never felt closer to God then when I was amidst the least of the least of these. I told Will the day we Americans paraded through the streets of Chenzhou with the orphans holding our hands leading them to church, I "saw" Jesus ahead of us, leading us in his robe and sandals, I felt Him there and it was overwhelming, in an undescirable good way!

I write these posts, I talk about this, I show pictures, but nothing can convey the reality of it all. You have to go. Everyone should be required to go. It will change your life! You might not want to go, it feels too hard, too uncomfortable, you might not REALLY want to know, but you must. Life is not just our American upper-middle class bubble we live in. It sure is nice to reside in our abundance but in reality we are not given abundance to shower upon ourselves. We need to share. Not just our financial abundance, but our love, our minds, our time...whatever we have to give, we should give. Because, some have nothing. Nothing at all and your gifts, no matter how small you may think they are, are HUGE to those who have nothing.

To my precious friends at Chenzhou, may God be among you, may you feel His love long after we are gone, may we NEVER forget you all, may we be your voices where they need to be heard and most of all thank you for the gift you gave me......your love and friendship. Godspeed.

Some of the big kids at the celebration.

Sweet, always smiling Joy.

The kids getting ready to sing.

The "school" kids doing a song and dance

The kids and staff getting ready to sing.

My girls.....one last time!

The cake they got for us.

Last full day at the orphanage

I don't know how I feel about today. Like most days here, there are so many emotions running through me I don't know what to feel or think. One thing I do know…..I am worn! Physically tired, mentally tired and emotionally drained would all describe me well right now. As we went upstairs to the kids today the big kids were all cleaned up, new clothes, and pretty close to odor-free! They were jumping for joy to see us and it makes your heart leap. Some of these kids have come so far in the past 8 days. Annie, one of the team members said it well, "It is so neat to see some of them come out of their shell and their personalities displayed after just a few days of love." So what would more do for them? But yet, I want to come home. My heart can't take the heaviness anymore. And what about the kids that need some advocating for? What will happen when we leave? I pray Charlotte and Sarah get the surgery they need. Who will kiss the sweet little cleft face of Angelina's and get teary when her entire face smiles, or hold ittly bitty Minnie and sing to her? And Lulu's nanny, who we FINALLY named Leigh, is gone on family matters. I didn't get to say goodbye to her or hug her one last time. And I can't think of kissing those babies and kids goodbye one last time. Talk about heavy heart!!!!!! And then there are the nannies and staff who work tirelessly day after day, how do you thank them for what they do?



We had dinner at the orphanage tonight and then took photos with everyone and laughed and cried. Already the crying started. Oh how I dread tomorrow! They have said some of the kids cry when we leave. Ray, little dear sweet Ray, he is one that cries. That will break my heart. Will they think we have deserted them too? I have always heard the question asked about short term mission trips…does it hurt more than it helps because you come and then you go away? But really and truly, like I said in an earlier post, love can NEVER be wasted. It will always leave behind something good. God , our creator is love and He commands us to love one another.



Most of the team is young. I am the old lady…oh well someone has to be right? But these girls jumped right in, held babies and played with kids and babies with severe disabilities and needs. They loved hard. One has been advocating for a blind boy for awhile, trying to get him to a special school. Wow! How proud her parents must be! And Megan, who has held onto the hope of getting these heart girls to the care they need, she is 18. Another has loved on some very special babies and given them a little spark. They all have done a marvelous job! It is a beautiful thing to watch!!! We will all go home with different lessons learned, special memories and things God has engraved upon our hearts. We each had a different purpose here. No two the same. And hopefully, we will each take these things we have gathered from this place and go home, go back to our lives and not forget. And make a difference. Even if it is in the life of just 1!



The faces that will haunt me and cry out to me NOT to forget:

Progress and Praising God!

When we got to the orphanage after lunch the asst. brought a contract to us to read. It was from New Hope Foundation. Megan had emailed them the 2 heart babies info and the director's contact info. New Hope sent a contract to Chenzhou. They brought it to us to read. We said yes. Then within minutes they were whisking the 2 babies away to the hospital for tests. Praise Him Praise Him!!!!!!! Megan Julia and I hugged and sobbed in the hallway! Now just to let you know Megan is 18! She has been fighting for these heart babies here for quite some time. After learning about the death of one, she got the ball rolling at home and had her mom making all kinds of phone calls. God came through and these sweet girls are at the hospital getting "testing". So please continue to pray for them. The director seems very open to all of this. The orphanage pays nothing!!!! So the this a big plus! Lord continue to move mountains and do immeasurably more!!!!!!!! Praise HIm! Praise Him! Praise Him!!!!!!

In Preparation

So, I THOUGHT the job loss thing was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. No. That was just God preparing me for this. He was teaching me over those many months to fully trust Him, to fully rely on Him. I am a doer, a get things done. type A personality. I see something"broken" and want to fix it. Most of my life this has worked. I am self-reliant. But God showed me in the job loss that He doesn't want us to be self-reliant. He wants us to be God-reliant. I have had to let go of the job-thing and let Him do…. and trust, beyond a shadow of a doubt, He had a plan.

I find myself struggling here. I want to do, to fix, and yet I can't. It is so BIG! And there is a language barrier and a cultural barrier and 2 governments in the way. So I must submit to Him, who holds the whole world in His mighty and capable hands. I pray for direction, guidance, eyes to see and ears to hear what it is He is showing me. The bells told me He was here, remember? 

I miss home terribly. I miss my family. I miss America and the modern conveniences. I REALLY want to go to my "Happy Place" aka Ponte Vedra Beach. Is that terrible of me???? I know it ends for me. But not for them. They will not go back to a cushy life. And really I don't know how I will? But a part of me wants to go. To forget. To pretend it all doesn't exist. That a baby doesn't lie waiting for heart surgery, or cleft surgery or to go to school, or for heavens sake a bath and clean clothes. But I can't forget.

 Proverbs 24:12"Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know and holds us responsible to act."

If I forget than who will be their voice? But how? How can I be their voice? I am so small. Aaaaaahhh….but He, He is so BIG! "He  who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," Eph 3:20. I must pray and seek Him and listen to His leading. I must trust and believe in this good God of mine.

Please join me in praying for this place and all the others like it in the world. Also, please pray for Charlotte. And if anybody out there reading this knows someone or has a connection to Love Without Boundaries, New Day Foster Home or a similar type organization that would get this little girl heart surgery, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know! If this little girl is the ONLY reason I was sent here, to be her voice, than I must be her voice. If this were your daughter, wouldn't you move mountains to get her the care she needed????? Well, she doesn't have parents to fight for her so we must. Think hard, any connection could be useful. And remember……He can and will do immeasurably more!!!!!

 

On a lighter note……

Ok, so the last couple of posts have been so heavy I thought I would lighten things up a bit. Cause to tell you the truth, the heavy stuff gets really hard to carry all the time! So, without further delay........enjoy the "lighter load"! 

 I was going to try to post via the blog and not email but not loading so….you will get pictures with no captions. Sorry!

Yesterday, when we went back to the orphanage after lunch, we were ushered into the conference room to make dumplings with the nannies and the director. We were then going to partake in a meal with the them and some of the older, more "with-it" kids. I can't tell you what a joy this was! To be around a conference table laughing and talking and joking with these ladies as they taught us how to make dumplings, well priceless pretty much sums it up! The relationships that have been built here are amazing! There was so much joy in the room. I felt Jesus presence. Just what we all needed! God is so good! So it was quite funny really to see us all struggling to do what they do so easily. Looks simple…NOT! We must have made 600 or so dumplings-no joke! They commented that we got better as we went on! They did vote my dumplings the "best"-Ha Ha, not saying much as you should have seen these things! But they were so very good!!!!!! We had a big table with lots of dumplings and various Chinese dishes as we all sat together. Not many words exchanged due to the language barrier, but smiles and laughs. Even the director was smiling and laughing. She is usually quite staunch, kind, but smiley would NOT sum her up. The kids sat at another table and there was silence. They had never had dumplings before. They enjoyed every morsel. When we finished we stood outside in the "cooler" evening air as the kids ran around. It was almost as if they were "normal" kids, playing outside on a warm summer evening after a delicious home cooked meal. They ran up every once-in-awhile for a hug but they were enjoying being kids. Such a beautiful picture I will store away in my heart and mind.

Today, we took a dozen or so kids to church. Church! You read that right! Our guide told us they would say "no" but our leader asked and they said yes! We were quite the sight this morning as we Americans, who stand out anyway, paraded through the streets of Chenzhou with orphans in tow, crossing the busy and crazy streets holding onto their sweaty little hands for dear life. Our prayers were that those witnessing this spectacle took it into their hearts what it is we are doing here and maybe, just maybe, they would wander up the hill one day and ask what THEY could do for these precious little people. So we arrived around 9:00 and they ushered us upstairs to the balcony. We were armed with candy, cookies, fruit snacks and coloring books. I must say, I had my doubts about how this was going to go over. Fabulous! They were great. There were a few loud voices, but all in all, they sang, colored ate and watched. Just like our kids do in church at home. And let me tell you, this was no air-conditioned building. Oh no. HOT does not begin to describe it. And we were there for and hour and a half. As I sat there looking down the pews at the children and the 2 nannies that accompanied us, I prayed for hearts to be open and for love to be felt. I prayed His protection over them and those up on the hill not there. Then it happened…….the bells started. It took me a moment. And then I started sobbing. (Look back a few posts…right before I left, for my post on "the bells" entitled "Above the Noise") He is here too. I/we just have to listen. And look. And trust. He knows them all. He loves them all. God is so good! I can't describe to you this morning. Priceless again. These words aren't doing it justice. Julia said the nanny behind her was singing,loud, and speaking the words with conviction. She said, "Mom, I so felt God there!" Such a great morning! Thank you Lord for your awesome display of grace!

The least of the least of these…words, pictures below in separate post

Ok so this posting via email doesn't work quite so well. Captions and words and pics don't always line up or get sent together. so here are the words to the  post "Least of the least of these" 

photo 1 These are my girls. Angelina, the cleft baby, who one day will have lips as beautiful as Angelina Jolie! And Minnie, well, the name just fits!

photo 2 She is skin and bones.

photo 3 Minnie fell asleep

photo 4 Check out the size of her arm compared to my finger…and don't miss the PALE color of her skin! She is quite strong in spite of her size!

photo 5 Please pray for sweet Charlotte. She needs surgery,NOW! But they did give her oxygen and an iv today and she looks better.

photo 6 Ray, 25 lbs of love! I don't think he is adoptable.

photo 7 Sky, she is 14 and autistic they think…not adoptable.

photo 8 Cassie, a heart baby.

photo 9 Sydney, 14, very severe, not adoptable. LOVES to hold your hand but cries silent tears sometimes.

photo 10 This child is 5. Not adoptable

photo 11 This little girl bites her hands until they bleed so they tie them behind her back. Not adoptable

photo 12 This is Sadie….she wants to be a cheerleader and practices her splits all the time! Oh so flexible!

photo 13 This is PJ. He never gets off this pot, aka toilet, and shakes his head "no" continually. Not adoptable.

Most of these kids will not ever be adopted because they are truly the least of the least of these. This is just a sampling. Millions more wait around the world to be shown love. We can't adopt them, but can't we all go and show them love? Even if only for a few weeks at a time? Love is NEVER wasted. After all, God is love and He commands us to love….especially those forgotten by the world.

                                                                                   "Kings & Queens"

Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent too brief
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won't let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

[Chorus:]
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty 
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these

Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won't you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

[Chorus]

If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these

Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these 
We will love the least of these